Let’s talk Stephen King–and why I think his career is suspicious. King suggests a daily routine of about three hours writing, three hours reading, and one long walk per day—a routine that is very difficult for an all-natural writer to sustain year-round. While it is possible that Mr. King is natural, I have extreme doubts. Think about it: in all the interviews you’ve ever seen, has Stephen King ever denied using steroids?

Assuming Mr. King IS juicing, which compounds might he be taking? In other words, which steroids best complement the writing lifestyle? Thanks to a deep dive into steroid.com, I believe I have the answer. (Note that the following list is for educational purposes only, and I neither condone nor recommend the use of any performance-enhancing chemicals not prescribed by a doctor. When in doubt, the natural route is best.)

5) Equipoise

Boldenone Undecylenate is a testosterone derived anabolic androgenic steroid that is best known by the trade name Equipoise. While Equipoise is officially classified as a veterinarian grade anabolic steroid, the first batches of Boldenone were introduced on the human grade pharmaceutical market by Ciba in the early 1950’s under the brand name Parenabol.

Equipoise is typically used for racehorses. Could equipoise help Mr. King race through his daily word count? Possibly.

4) Stanozolol (Winstrol)

Winstrol is one of the most popular and well-known anabolic steroids on earth. This is an anabolic steroid that has garnered worldwide attention due to numerous athletic scandals over the years. In fact, it is associated with the most important athletic steroid scandal in history.

In 1988, Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson tested positive for the steroid after taking the gold at that year’s Summer Olympics. Not only did Johnson destroy his competition, he defeated the highly favored Carl Lewis with ease.

For all we know, Stephen King has been using stanozolol to demolish his literary competition for years.

3) “The Cream” and “The Clear”

What if Mr. King did deny steroid use and submitted to a drug test? Certainly this would prove that he isn’t using juice to sustain his prodigious output. Right? Wrong.

The most famous story of steroids in sports is that of Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds. Both of these players were suspected of using anabolic steroids. Giambi, for his part, told a U.S. grand jury that he used a duo of undetectable steroids known as “the cream” and “the clear,” both of which he received from personal trainer Greg Anderson during the 2003 season.

Other athletes who took “The Clear” include Olympic sprinter Marion Jones—and she was only caught because an empty syringe was found in her trainer’s possession. Short of a discovery like this, is there any way we could conclusively say Mr. King is or is not on steroids?

2) Human Growth Hormone

Steroids don’t only help with muscle building, recovery, and stamina. They can also assist with a writer’s longevity. Human Growth Hormone in particular is touted for its anti-aging benefits, and NFL players such as Peyton Manning and Tom Brady have been accused of prolonging their careers into their forties with the help of this chemical. Could Stephen King’s longevity be attributable to HGH? It’s impossible to say no with certainty.

1)

And finally, the number one steroid that I believe Stephen King could be taking. But first, I’d like to tell you a little bit about the sponsor of today’s blog, Thomas Nelson Bibles. I cherish the moral guidance I get from scripture, and I prefer to read my scripture in the Thomas Nelson KJV typeface, bound in the covetable black leather of the Sovereign Collection.

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On with our list. The number one steroid I believe Mr. King COULD be using is Androstenione. This steroid was most famously used by home run world record holder Mark McGwire. Like Stephen King, Mark McGwire refused to admit to steroid use for years. Recently, however, he has confessed that the compound androstenione played a role in his recovery from injury.

McGwire denies, however, that androstenione helped him hit home runs. I, and most other steroid experts, disagree. This compound, which breaks down into testosterone in the body, certainly helps baseball players hit the ball farther, and thus score more home runs. And who, I ask you, has hit more commercial home runs than Stephen King? It makes you think.

A special thanks to steroid.com for the above information, and as always, thanks to my sponsor, Thomas Nelson Bibles.